I received an advance copy of this book courtesy of the publisher in exchange for an honest review

Every once in a while, a book comes around that really hits me in the heart, and makes me stand up and pay attention. So far this year I’ve had it happen four times: Hello, Beautiful by Ann Napolitano, Adelaide by Genevieve Wheeler, The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brannen and now this one.

While Hello, Beautiful made me think about mental health and how I approach my own, Adelaide made me reflect on how I’ve let myself be used and the missteps I took in past relationships. The Collected Regrets of Clover had me reflecting on the little things in life that I really should cherish more, and then Who We Are Now came along and made me want to hug the friends I still hold dear, and reconnect with those I’ve lost touch with.

Growing up gay in conservative, rural Idaho, I didn’t have any close friends in high school. There were people I hung out with on occasion, but I never had those super close, meaningful friendships like I saw on TV or the John Hughes movies I was obsessed with. It wasn’t until I got to Oregon State University that I really found my people. I showed up alone, horribly shy, and scared, but also excited at the possibilities. Three years later, I left feeling confident, loved and most importantly that not only did I matter, but there were people in this world who would accept me exactly the way I am. The friendships and the memories I made while there are still some of my most cherished. These people were my family, and that’s exactly how our main characters – Rachel, Dev, Nate, and Clarissa – felt about one another.

The book begins right as the four best friends and roommates are about to graduate college and start their lives in the real world. At the top of the book, Rachel and Nate are headed to New York City. Rachel has dreams of working in publishing and eventually being a published author while Nate chases the big bucks – he has a job at Lehman’s working in finance. Clarissa is staying in the Chicago area as she pursues a career in standup comedy. She hopes to land a job at Second City and eventually get a gig on SNL. Dev isn’t sure what his future holds, and a last-minute decision has him moving to New York as well. All of this plays out in the first chapter of the book, and then after that, each chapter is told from the perspective of one of the four friends, and each chapter spans a year in their life. They grow, they hit walls, they achieve successes and endure blows to their egos. They meet new friends and new loves and, despite their best efforts, they begin to drift apart as life takes them in different directions and ultimately leads one of them into unexpected tragedy.

I will admit that it took me a while to settle into this one. It wasn’t until about two-thirds of the way into the book that I felt like I really settled in and had a good handle on the four characters and where they were headed. Once I hit that point, though, I was fully invested and felt as though I was a part of this friend group. I felt their excitement for their successes, and their frustrations with one another when one of them acted like an ass. I especially felt their loss when tragedy struck. Like the friend group, I felt a part of me had been ripped away. I desperately wanted to pick up the pieces and glue them back together, but that just wasn’t possible.

When I’d finished the book, I lay on my sofa reflecting on the friendships I had in college – one in particular. There was this one woman I was super close with. We were inseparable our last year of school, and then I moved to Texas and she left for grad school and eventually got married and we drifted apart. We reconnected a few years later, but differing political affiliations in a volatile political climate put a wedge between us. Even after I moved back to Oregon, we never saw one another. We always meant to reconnect – or so we said – but I think we both knew it would be incredibly awkward, so we never put in a lot of effort into making it happen. And then one day I found out she had died and it devastated me. I couldn’t help but feel deep regret that I hadn’t tried a little harder to reconnect. I think I always thought in the back of my mind that someday we would. Someday it would happen, but now someday isn’t possible.

I also found myself reflecting on all the wonderful times I had in college with the various groups of crazy, loving, hilarious and loyal individuals that I was lucky enough to call my friends. I was involved in various extra-curricular activities, so I had several friend groups. It made me want to contact some that I haven’t seen in years, but then it made me wonder how different it might be now. I wonder if their memories are as good as mine.

Despite being a part of several friend groups, I had a smaller core group I am still super close with. The final scene in the book definitely took me back to my final year at college and the little house I spent so much time in with some of my closest friends. Just like the friends in the book had so many memories wrapped up in the walls of 1208 Maple, there’s a house on the corner of a street in Corvallis, OR that holds a ton of memories for me. I think maybe it’s time to go revisit the campus again. It’s been too long.

As you can tell, this book cracked something open in me. While slow to start, it eventually had me fully invested in the characters and the direction their lives took. I think I would have liked a little more of their time together in college – we get that they are close when the book begins, we just don’t really get why and then suddenly they all go their separate ways. I think for me, had I gotten a bit more of their final few weeks of school and really had a more solid understanding of what made the group tick, I would have been more emotionally invested in their friendship from the start.

That said, I ended up really loving the book, and it’s one I want a physical copy of to add to my shelves.